I Finally Did The Backflip, Aged 46
A short story about flips, fear and the amazing way courage spreads.
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Flipping Fear
I finally did a backflip at the age of forty six.
You are well within your right to find this concept ridiculous, but the truth is, I had wanted to do a backflip my whole life and somehow never found the courage.
Every now and then over the years I’d stand on a high diving board and think about it. You know that moment where your toes curl slightly over the edge and you look down at the water and try to picture the movement in your mind.
And then the same thing would happen. A tightening in the stomach. A flash of catastrophe.
A quiet voice saying something very reasonable like:“you’re too old for this.” Or “you’ll land on your head.” “You’re not sixteen anymore.”
So I stepped back. For almost thirty years.
Which is funny when I think about some of the other things I’ve done in that time. Built companies. Directed films. Sat with dying people in hospital. I once flew hundreds of drones over a crowd of more than one hundred thousand people at Glastonbury while quietly praying nothing malfunctioned and quietly dying inside from anxiety.
Apparently all of that felt safer than a backflip.
The mind is strange like that. It decides very selectively what counts as danger.
Backflip #1: Guatemala
Earlier this year we were travelling through Guatemala on our year off as a family travelling the world, and found this beautiful swimming spot. A lake surrounded by jungle and a high diving platform sticking out over the water.
My boys were launching themselves off it again and again. Absolute joy. The kind of shouting and splashing that echoes across water.
I stood there at the edge pretending to supervise. In reality I was negotiating with myself. Part of me knew exactly what was happening.
I spend a lot of my time now talking about courage and stepping into the life that’s waiting on the other side of fear. Helping people move toward deeper purpose.
And yet here I was, toes on the edge of a board, stuck in the exact same hesitation that had followed me since I was a teenager.
So I climbed up. Looked down. Calculated the drop. Fifteen feet maybe. Perfectly safe really. And then I climbed back down.
No one noticed. I told myself it didn’t matter. Got changed, even told everyone it was time to leave.
But the kids asked for ten more minutes. But the kids asked for ten more minutes. They were having such a great time. Something about the way children move through fear is very different. They feel it, but they don’t negotiate with it for thirty years.
I said '“OK”. That was it. Years of hesitation dissolved into a single decision. The swimming trunks went back on.
I climbed up again and this time I did not negotiate. I calmed myself as best I could and went for it.
And it was… glorious.
Not the flip itself. That part happened in a blur. But the feeling of something old finally dissolving. A little victory.
I realised something very simple. If I had left without doing it, that little thorn would still be there. Now, it is gone.
Backflip #2: Thailand
A few weeks later we were on a snorkel trip in Thailand.
I spotted that our boat had a high dive platform. Maybe fifteen feet above the sea. The water that deep turquoise colour you only really see in places like that.
Without much ceremony I climbed up and did another backflip.
This one was much easier.
The physics were exactly the same. Same height. Same rotation. Same water waiting below. But the fear had already been met once.
Courage, it turns out, becomes easier once you’ve touched it.
You might even notice I tried to add a little bit more of an Olympic flourish to my water entry this time.
The Golden Moment With My Son, Bror
And then something happened I will remember for the rest of my life.
Just after my flip, my nine year old son Bror went and performed a surprise front somersault whilst my wife was still filming.
He didn’t say anything. Didn’t announce a plan. Just climbed up there quietly after seeing his dad show some courage and went for it.
It was a perfect forward flip straight into the water, caught perfectly on camera.
Clean. Confident. No hesitation.
And I felt this sudden rush of intense fatherly pride in my chest that caught me off guard. A rush that far outweighed my own personal achievement and pride of my own flip.
Not just because Bror did it. But because something about the moment felt… connected.
Like courage had moved through the air between us.
Courage, it turns out, becomes easier once you’ve touched it.
“If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of.” (Bruce Lee)
Courage Is Contagious
Lately I’ve been wondering if that’s how it works.
Maybe courage really is contagious. Maybe the quiet decisions we make about fear ripple outward more than we realise.
I’ve spent the last few years thinking deeply about mortality. Sitting with the simple truth that life is finite. That time moves whether we like it or not.
And when you remember that often enough, hesitation starts to look different. You stop believing you have endless time to circle the things that matter.
Somewhere along the way I think I simply stopped believing I had forever to do the backflip.
The Backflip Most People Avoid
Much anxiety, I’ve come to believe, is about unlived life waiting patiently.
The conversations we keep postponing. The changes we sense but haven’t stepped toward. The small risks that quietly sit in the corner of our lives asking for courage.
Often the fear isn’t really about the thing itself. It’s about the moment of stepping into the unknown.
But once you do it once… something shifts. The next time it becomes easier.
A Small Reflection
You don’t need to go and do a backflip. But maybe there’s something in your life that feels a little bit like one? Something you’ve been circling for years. Something you suspect you’re capable of, but haven’t quite stepped into yet.
A conversation. A change. A truth. Maybe just notice it.
Because when you finally move toward the thing you’ve been postponing, something curious tends to happen.
The fear loosens. And sometimes… someone else finds their courage too.
If this article resonated, please comment, like, re-stack, and share. My vision is to establish mortality awareness as a recognised wellness practise. By supporting this work, and being part of this community, you are helping this vision come true. Thank you.
Live happy,
Hoppy
Tools & Updates
Videos: Watch my conversation with Substack author Joe Nichols on what it’s like living with anxiety as an entrepreneur.
Podcast: I appeared on the Unapologetic Living podcast with Elizabeth Elliot, discussing how mortality awareness unlocks potential and purpose.
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Go deeper: How Death Denial Influences The News / My Father’s Death / The Incredible Way Mortality Awakens Happiness
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Super proud of my husband for owning this step and watching the impact with humility
Thanks Wendy - starting to feel like maybe I should write more content like this more often !